My dad's in love!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Myth of Motherhood
On Oprah, as well as on the discussion board of my mommy group, was the topic of motherhood. It started with these women who had essentially written a book after asking mothers to open up about their experiences. What they discovered and what has been obvious to me now is that women are so hesitant to share any negative experiences. People have such a difficult time voicing when something is hard. They think they have failed. Or will be judged. I have often noticed that from time to time (!) my willingness to put it out there makes people uncomfortable. And I have always wondered why we can't talk about the bad? For me, when I stop talking about something that's when you know something is seriously wrong. If I am venting or joking or talking about it, I consider it a healthy release.
This is an intriguing topic and I spent all day thinking about it and making a list in my head of all the things I didn't really expect when I became a mother. Some are funny, some are serious. But it has been such an adjustment. I love my two boys with every fiber of my being, but it was so healthy for me to acknowledge some of the harder parts I had not anticipated.
Here is my list thus far:
I did not realize when I became a mother that I would never again pee by myself.
I did not realize that the only time I would get a bath is if I took one with my children.
I did not realize that some days brushing my teeth is a major accomplishment of self care.
I did not realize I would never again be able to make a quick dash into the drug store for something. There is nothing quick about it anymore.
I did not realize I would have to fight so hard to find 20 minutes of time to myself.
I did not realize my stomach would hang over my pants for as long as it has.
I did not realize the urge to stay at home with them would rise above financial reason.
I did not realize that I did not know what unconditional love really was.
I did not realize there would be days I hated my husband.
I did not realize that the following day I would love my husband more then I could ever imagine for being such a good father.
I did not realize that I would be so lonely at times.
I did not realize how I would come to understand my mother. I would now call her one of my best friends and I talk to her almost daily.
I did not realize how hard breastfeeding would be or the sense of accomplishment I would feel from doing it.
I did not anticipate the drama in a mommy group.
I did not know how much I would come to enjoy cooking and baking. (most days)
I did not realize I just wouldn't sleep....for years.
I did not know I would lose friends simply because I was a mom.
I did not know that the animals would become just extra work for me instead of beloved family members.
I did not realize how difficult it would be for me to hand over my crying child to let someone else console them.
I did not realize how cool the zoo really was until I looked at it through my 2 year old's eyes.
I did not realize that the words "I love you mama" would bring me to my knees.
I love you Aiden and Grant. Even though there have been adjustments I did not see coming. I would make any sacrifice for you. In a heart beat. I still know who I am. I still exist outside of my role as your mother. But you have forever changed who I am and you are the best things that have ever happened to me.
This is an intriguing topic and I spent all day thinking about it and making a list in my head of all the things I didn't really expect when I became a mother. Some are funny, some are serious. But it has been such an adjustment. I love my two boys with every fiber of my being, but it was so healthy for me to acknowledge some of the harder parts I had not anticipated.
Here is my list thus far:
I did not realize when I became a mother that I would never again pee by myself.
I did not realize that the only time I would get a bath is if I took one with my children.
I did not realize that some days brushing my teeth is a major accomplishment of self care.
I did not realize I would never again be able to make a quick dash into the drug store for something. There is nothing quick about it anymore.
I did not realize I would have to fight so hard to find 20 minutes of time to myself.
I did not realize my stomach would hang over my pants for as long as it has.
I did not realize the urge to stay at home with them would rise above financial reason.
I did not realize that I did not know what unconditional love really was.
I did not realize there would be days I hated my husband.
I did not realize that the following day I would love my husband more then I could ever imagine for being such a good father.
I did not realize that I would be so lonely at times.
I did not realize how I would come to understand my mother. I would now call her one of my best friends and I talk to her almost daily.
I did not realize how hard breastfeeding would be or the sense of accomplishment I would feel from doing it.
I did not anticipate the drama in a mommy group.
I did not know how much I would come to enjoy cooking and baking. (most days)
I did not realize I just wouldn't sleep....for years.
I did not know I would lose friends simply because I was a mom.
I did not know that the animals would become just extra work for me instead of beloved family members.
I did not realize how difficult it would be for me to hand over my crying child to let someone else console them.
I did not realize how cool the zoo really was until I looked at it through my 2 year old's eyes.
I did not realize that the words "I love you mama" would bring me to my knees.
I love you Aiden and Grant. Even though there have been adjustments I did not see coming. I would make any sacrifice for you. In a heart beat. I still know who I am. I still exist outside of my role as your mother. But you have forever changed who I am and you are the best things that have ever happened to me.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Who Says You Can't Go Home?
I always say what a good decision it has been for our little family unit to have moved to Minnesota. What I don't always say is that it wasn't/isn't necessarily an easy decision.
Because of these two people.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Portland, Here We Come!
Ok, that was my attempt at being cheerful. In truth I am freaking out. I am so excited to introduce Grant to the rest of my family and my best friends. But I actually had a panic attack a little bit ago. I have since taken a sleeping pill so that I can get some sleep tonight.
I don't know what my problem is. I always get nervous. But never to this extent. I can't think of anything else. I suppose it's because I have never left Aid behind before. It's like I let myself for a second be afraid of the plane crashing but that left me with the understanding that Aid would lose his mother and ever since I have just been a wreck. I love my two little boys more then anything in this world and the very idea of leaving either of them behind is just too much for me to cope with.
I don't know if I should be writing a blog about this. Bob is tired of hearing it. But the blog is also a little bit of therapy from time to time so I'm using it to write out my horrible thoughts in an attempt to release them somewhere.
I told my best friend Cindy about my freak out. She told me I needed to reframe my thoughts about it. Instead of worrying that Aid would lose me I have to feel confident that should something happen to me, Aid has Bob. And Bob is the best father in the entire world. Even with all of his quirks. He loves Aid and Grant as much as I do and at the end of the day that's all any of us need to be ok.
So I'm getting on that plane tomorrow and life will happen as it will. I will board it knowing that each of our sons have one of us to keep them safe and loved. And I have to trust that the rest, however it turns out, will be ok....
I don't know what my problem is. I always get nervous. But never to this extent. I can't think of anything else. I suppose it's because I have never left Aid behind before. It's like I let myself for a second be afraid of the plane crashing but that left me with the understanding that Aid would lose his mother and ever since I have just been a wreck. I love my two little boys more then anything in this world and the very idea of leaving either of them behind is just too much for me to cope with.
I don't know if I should be writing a blog about this. Bob is tired of hearing it. But the blog is also a little bit of therapy from time to time so I'm using it to write out my horrible thoughts in an attempt to release them somewhere.
I told my best friend Cindy about my freak out. She told me I needed to reframe my thoughts about it. Instead of worrying that Aid would lose me I have to feel confident that should something happen to me, Aid has Bob. And Bob is the best father in the entire world. Even with all of his quirks. He loves Aid and Grant as much as I do and at the end of the day that's all any of us need to be ok.
So I'm getting on that plane tomorrow and life will happen as it will. I will board it knowing that each of our sons have one of us to keep them safe and loved. And I have to trust that the rest, however it turns out, will be ok....
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
75th percentile
This is where both of the boys are!
We had our Dr. Appointments today and I have lots of information to share!
Grant weighed in at a whopping 15 pounds! He is a healthy boy! He is also on medication now for acid reflux. After my explaining to the doctor his issues with pooping and burping she prescribed him something since it should not be that difficult for him. I hope it helps. It's painful to watch....and listen to. He did very well with his immunizations too. Oh was he mad. But surprisingly all it took was a quick cuddle to calm him down. With Aid I always had to nurse him for awhile to calm him down. Not my Mr. Independent! He also smiled and cooed at the nurse which was fun because really I'm the only one that has seen it.
Aid is also healthy! He came in at 32 pounds! He is well above where normal two year old development milestones are so we were pleasantly surprised by that! AND...drum roll please....his iron is in the median range! I have been obsessing about this and shoving spinach down his throat at every opportunity and if looks like it has paid off. I did it with no medicine just creative mommy love and determination. I'm kind of proud of myself.
Aid was a nightmare in the office. I really think the problem stemmed from my pump up of the doctor. I made it sound like we were going to Disneyland. Then we got there and they had this incredible play area and he immediately ran to it. He only got to play in it for 2 minutes before they came to get us. (It is actually an office where you hope they are running late so he can play!) He came back willingly until he realized that he was stuck in a small room with no toys except for the ones I brought. He was not allowed to climb on the counter or open the door and run down the hall...the two ideas he came up with to entertain himself. Poor kid had 2 time outs in the Dr.'s office. Then they sent the student in. She was sweet and adorable but obviously lacking experience in dealing with 2 year olds. Instead of just looking into his eyes quickly and efficiently she tried to entice him into a better mood by shining the light thing onto the book I finally got him to sit down and read. This irritated him even more, which honestly I can't say I blame him. At some point I just gave in to the reality that we did not have sweet adorable compliant Aid with us. We had that kid. The kid on Supernanny you want to smack he's being so naughty. He calmed down once the real doctor brought him some licorice. Ahhhh....my kid does do well with bribery. He got his shots and blood taken and was brilliant. Hardly any crying at all. I was so proud of him. Then Bob took him to play in the play room (how would I know it would be THAT fun?) and he was sweet and adorable Aid once more.
It was a whole different experience bringing two to the appointment. Which we will always have to because our copay is an outrageous $50!!! Me and Bob walked out of there tired having just worked our asses off. Grant was sleeping, and Aid was happily holding onto his stickers.
I miss being a kid.
We had our Dr. Appointments today and I have lots of information to share!
Grant weighed in at a whopping 15 pounds! He is a healthy boy! He is also on medication now for acid reflux. After my explaining to the doctor his issues with pooping and burping she prescribed him something since it should not be that difficult for him. I hope it helps. It's painful to watch....and listen to. He did very well with his immunizations too. Oh was he mad. But surprisingly all it took was a quick cuddle to calm him down. With Aid I always had to nurse him for awhile to calm him down. Not my Mr. Independent! He also smiled and cooed at the nurse which was fun because really I'm the only one that has seen it.
Aid is also healthy! He came in at 32 pounds! He is well above where normal two year old development milestones are so we were pleasantly surprised by that! AND...drum roll please....his iron is in the median range! I have been obsessing about this and shoving spinach down his throat at every opportunity and if looks like it has paid off. I did it with no medicine just creative mommy love and determination. I'm kind of proud of myself.
Aid was a nightmare in the office. I really think the problem stemmed from my pump up of the doctor. I made it sound like we were going to Disneyland. Then we got there and they had this incredible play area and he immediately ran to it. He only got to play in it for 2 minutes before they came to get us. (It is actually an office where you hope they are running late so he can play!) He came back willingly until he realized that he was stuck in a small room with no toys except for the ones I brought. He was not allowed to climb on the counter or open the door and run down the hall...the two ideas he came up with to entertain himself. Poor kid had 2 time outs in the Dr.'s office. Then they sent the student in. She was sweet and adorable but obviously lacking experience in dealing with 2 year olds. Instead of just looking into his eyes quickly and efficiently she tried to entice him into a better mood by shining the light thing onto the book I finally got him to sit down and read. This irritated him even more, which honestly I can't say I blame him. At some point I just gave in to the reality that we did not have sweet adorable compliant Aid with us. We had that kid. The kid on Supernanny you want to smack he's being so naughty. He calmed down once the real doctor brought him some licorice. Ahhhh....my kid does do well with bribery. He got his shots and blood taken and was brilliant. Hardly any crying at all. I was so proud of him. Then Bob took him to play in the play room (how would I know it would be THAT fun?) and he was sweet and adorable Aid once more.
It was a whole different experience bringing two to the appointment. Which we will always have to because our copay is an outrageous $50!!! Me and Bob walked out of there tired having just worked our asses off. Grant was sleeping, and Aid was happily holding onto his stickers.
I miss being a kid.
Part of the Gang
We have been so lucky to find the friends we have here in Minnesota. While we miss everyone in Portland these women and their kids have helped us make this our home. I have learned so much from them. I have leaned on them for support when I needed it. We have sat around the dining room table swapping parenting challenges. We have laughed as we watch our little ones navigate their own social situations. And now Grant is part of the gang and they have welcomed him with open and loving arms. I love them. And Aid loves their kids. It's a win win really....
Emilie and Matilda looking gorgeous. Emilie inspired me to start Weight Watchers. She has lost all of her baby weight and then some and looks fabulous and I had to do the same!
Sam is still Aid's best friend even if they don't see each other as much. They are like two peas in a pod!
Angie holding Grant. She is due in a couple of weeks with her second one too!
Corbin is now her oldest!
Possibly the cutest picture of Sara and Oliver ever.
And here's Amelia. Or as Aid calls her "Mia". Ok, tell me she doesn't remind you of Cindy Lou Hoo from The Grinch. I mean, yes she is not blond hair or blue eyed but her eyes are just as big and those pig tails...good gracious she's cute.
This picture is an oldie but goody. I couldn't find a more recent one with Rena AND Lexa ( a situation I will be rectifying)
Another old one of Kelly and Chloe! Ok apparently I have to get my camera out again here...(Kelly PLEASE send me that picture of Ryan and Grant so I can add it....I cannot find a picture of Ryan!!!!)
Chloe and Lexa loved holding Grant with Kelly helping out.
Grant you are lucky to have this crew.
Emilie and Matilda looking gorgeous. Emilie inspired me to start Weight Watchers. She has lost all of her baby weight and then some and looks fabulous and I had to do the same!
Sam is still Aid's best friend even if they don't see each other as much. They are like two peas in a pod!
Angie holding Grant. She is due in a couple of weeks with her second one too!
Corbin is now her oldest!
Possibly the cutest picture of Sara and Oliver ever.
And here's Amelia. Or as Aid calls her "Mia". Ok, tell me she doesn't remind you of Cindy Lou Hoo from The Grinch. I mean, yes she is not blond hair or blue eyed but her eyes are just as big and those pig tails...good gracious she's cute.
This picture is an oldie but goody. I couldn't find a more recent one with Rena AND Lexa ( a situation I will be rectifying)
Another old one of Kelly and Chloe! Ok apparently I have to get my camera out again here...(Kelly PLEASE send me that picture of Ryan and Grant so I can add it....I cannot find a picture of Ryan!!!!)
Chloe and Lexa loved holding Grant with Kelly helping out.
Grant you are lucky to have this crew.
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