Operation Lose the Boob

Yep. It's official. We are weaning Grant. He is having a pretty big week. Not only is he teething (and now has 5 full teeth with 2 on the way), today he took his first unassisted step and is learning how to fall asleep by himself. For real this time.

We had Grant's 10 month appointment. He is 24 pounds and has only grown an inch in height. No surprise the doctor was over the moon with how healthy and good he is doing. He is just growing up. But she did say that now that we were ready to wean it may help with the sleeping (or lack there of) during the night. She again reiterated that he still associated being nursed AND falling asleep. So I have to break the connection.

So today he got no nursing for either nap and now I just nursed him, but put him to bed wide awake and mad as hell. She then told me to let him go for 15 minutes. Then go in and give him a snuggle and leave again. Then again in 10,etc. So when I was sure that he was done nursing and was on his way I put him down. He screamed like crazy for the entire 15 minutes (ok, I only made him wait 10. Progress comes in steps....) I rocked him for exactly 2 minutes (enough time to be sure I had gotten all the burps, damn acid reflux) then kissed him and put him back down. He screamed again for 3 minutes and is now sleeping. I am afraid to put Aid in there for fear he will wake up. But he did it. At least as I write this.

I am so proud of him. But it's so bitter sweet. I am so unbelievably done with the physical part of mothering a baby. I am lucky that it all went so relatively well and uncomplicated (aside from the bad back issues), but I am ready to be done and know this will help the back out as well. But on the other hand....Grant may very well be my last baby and that makes me sad. Sadder then I may want to admit.

I know I went through this all with Aid. And what I learned then is that Grant will need me in other ways. But letting go of these ways...well it tugs at the heart.

My baby is growing up. And I must not only let him, but I must help him.