We have been constantly torn. Oregon or Minnesota? We have two families whom we love very much and want them to be a part of our regular every day lives. (Well, ok, maybe not every day but you know what I mean!) We have friends in both places who mean the world to us. There is no easy answer. When we lived in Portland we idealized Minnesota and wanted to spend more time here. Now we live here and I find myself longing to be back home. We go around and around and around and there is no answer that feels right. Either way, we end up missing people that we love.
My friend has been going through an awful custody battle. She was with an emotionally and verbally abusive man. There were some physical incidents, but the brunt of the abuse was what he did to her on the inside...where no one could see. She finally found the courage to leave and he made her pay for that decision. Right now they have a horrible visitation schedule set up because she received poor counsel and was desperate to see her little girl who had been ripped away from her. It's been incredibly difficult to watch her and her little girl go through this. She stayed with us for a little over a month because he would not leave the home; so on her days, her daughter would stay here as well. They became a part of our family. We care about them that much.
Very recently she got her home back. He moved out. To say that I am happy for her would be a gross understatement. But tonight I realized how much healing is in front of them because of all of this. Her little girl was afraid to go to her house. She now associates her home with where her father lives. And when she has gone there in the past month, it was to be dropped off and again taken from her mother. I listened to the fear in her voice as I walked them back to their house after dinner at ours, my heart breaking. She cried the entire way and begged her mom not to leave her. When we got to their house I did my best to let her know that things are changing and that this is once again the home she shares with her mother. It can once again be her safe spot in the world.
But I cried all the way home. I cried because this little girl is afraid of what has always been her home. This little girl is constantly afraid of not being able to be with her mother. This little girl doesn't know what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. And her mother can only do so much at this point to make things right for her. I hate him for taking her security away from her; but I know in my heart they will both be ok. I know how strong her mother is and that is what will get her through this.
I walked in and cuddled and read books with my boys. I sang songs long after they had fallen asleep. I tucked them in tightly and kissed them. And I found myself realizing that at the end of the day it doesn't matter where we are. As long as we are together and we all feel safe and supported and loved....we're home.
Whether that is in Oregon or Minnesota...
You are so right, Karen. It doesn't matter where you are as long as you are together.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you are still having undecided feelings about where you want to live. It has got to be such a tough, tough thing to have to think about. I am so glad to hear that your friend is back in her house with her daughter. Hopefully they will be able to move forward and start the healing process. She is a very strong woman and you are such a great friend to have been there like you have. Things may not have gone in this direction if you hadn't been there for her.
(((HUGS)))
Wow! Talk about perspective. You are such a good momma, Karen. You constantly model what it means to be a good friend who supports others when they need it most. Your boys are so lucky to have you! I have a feeling they will do the same when they are older.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your struggle and for your friend's. I can not even imagine:(. ((MORE HUGS))