Safety Net

Me and Bob have said from the word go that we wanted to create open relationships with our kids. We want them to tell us what is going on in their world. We want them to trust us enough to know that we will can handle whatever it is they need help with. That means we can't just freak out. We can't just punish. We have to listen.

A few days ago was a first testing moment for all of us. Aid came to us with something. I am not going to go into details. It isn't the point of this post. But he came to us. We freaked out a little at first and he shut down. But then we gave him a little bit of space and let him come back to us. And he did. What followed was a really good talk.

But what came of it? I realized that even though I obviously dread Aid (or Grant)having to face any difficult situations, that he trusts us enough to tell us. I recognize that he felt safe enough to tell us something difficult and confusing to him. I have to do everything I can to continue to facilitate that openness. All I want is for my children to know they can come to me. I think a lot of parents say those words. And they mean them. But when the time comes to act, they do the parent thing: They worry out loud, they push, they nag, they punish, they over react. I know that I will as well. But this time I didn't. We didn't. And we did not just say, "You can come to us with anything." We showed him that he really can.

My chest tightens thinking of all the things that could or could not happen to both of them in the future. More then anything you just want your children to be safe and happy and loved. But you don't always have control over those things. No matter what happens to them in the world, I want them to walk through the door and know this is their safe place.

And that we are their safety net.