Siblings

Me and my sister have had what I would call the typical sibling relationship.  She apparently ruined my life by being born and I spent my entire childhood annoyed that she had to do the same things I did.  Had to play on the same teams, go to the same schools, etc.  Oh it drove me bananas.  My mother would tell me that it was because she looked up to me that she wanted to do the same things.  That only made me feel not heard by my mother.  Dear Lord I have always been a sensitive thing.

But now I have two children and I see that very dynamic playing out between them.  I am reading up and trying desperately to acknowledge that for Aid, Grant ruined his life by being born.  I get it.  Trust me, from one older sibling to the other I get it.  But I now have more empathy for my little sister because I watch Grant.  And he worships Aid.  Adores him.  Wants to do everything the same.  It's a delicate balance between not letting Grant just pick/do something that's the same as Aid, but not letting Aid dictate what Grant can and cannot have and can and cannot do.  It's exhausting most days.

Being in Minnesota has made me appreciate and miss my family more then I realized it would.  There is always a lot of drama in my family (not necessarily my immediate family) and when we first moved here the calmness was a breath of fresh air.  But the one person I desperately miss is my sister.  I wish I lived close to her.  I wish we were raising our children together.  I wish I could spontaneously drop by her place after work when I'm mad at Bob.  I wish we could plan impromptu park play dates after school.  I wish I could be there for every special moment of my niece's and soon to be nephew's life.

Ironically my move to Minnesota has strengthened the bond between me and my sister.  She truly is one of my best friends and I can't believe it has taken me so long to appreciate her.  I knew I would miss her.  But I had no idea how much.

I love you baby sis.  And Aiden and Grant:  My hope for you is that even though as children you will fight like crazy, that as adults you find a friendship.  Because while you are born into a family, you must actively work to maintain that family and not take it for granted.  Ever.

Missing you Laura.