Am I A Grown Up Now?

This is a little sad to say out loud.  But this is the very first Christmas I have been solely responsible for.

Huh. Let that sit for a minute.

Let me back track.  We both come from families with some pretty solid traditions.  Our mothers are both very territorial creatures.  I don't say this with judgement.  I can see how we mother's hold onto what is ours and struggle with letting that go. We usually go to Portland for Christmas and we have the Bures Christmas a week before.  So we always bring whatever presents we have to each side's of the holiday.

But this year we aren't going to Portland for Christmas.  And we already had the Bures Christmas.  So this year it is our responsibility to make sure Santa gets here and the boys have the great Christmas morning they have grown accustomed too.  There is a bit of pressure here.  I have also grown accustomed to my parent's Christmas.  And they can go a bit overboard at Christmas time.  So I really have to fight against not just buying every single thing they point out to me.  A) I can't afford it.  But B) I don't want them to get every single thing they have asked for.  The big ones, sure.  The ones I have heard about over and over and over again. (This year it was the Nintendo DSL. THANK YOU MOM!) But that's not how life works. You don't get everything you want.  So when I first look at the tree I panic thinking I haven't gotten enough. 

Truthfully I still got a lot of help.  My mom sent quite a few boxes to the house. Enough I felt like I needed to tip our mail man on top of the gift card I got him.  But tomorrow morning will be just us.  Just our little family.  Will it feel quiet?  Sure.  Do we all love hanging with whatever set of cousins we are with? Absolutely. Do I miss my sister? Duh.  But I'm also excited to start a new tradition.  I like the idea of spending Christmas morning with just us.  These three people are the people I love most in this world.

And Christmas isn't about the gifts that are around the tree, it's about the loved ones around your tree.  (As long as the loved ones don't touch our tree because it was dead on arrival and if you blow too hard on it, it disintegrates. )

Merry Christmas ya'll. I hope you are surrounded by the people you love most in this world.

Merry Christmas Grandma Mac

I miss my Grandma.  I don't write about her often because I usually just end up sobbing.  I feel so grateful that the boys have 2 sets of Grandparents that love them as much as I was loved by my Grandma.   I wish I would have made sure to visit her more then I did.  I wish that I would have called more just to talk to her, instead of taking for granted that I would see her at the next birthday party or Christmas.  Christmas.  I miss her the most at Christmas.  I think because I have such a hurtful and strained relationship with my other grandmother that the fact that she isn't there at the McLaughlin Christmas is deeply felt for me. 

My Grandma did not think I was perfect.  And I got in trouble sometimes with her.  But I never for one second felt unloved by her.  In fact before the wedding, when I wasn't sure who of my family members were going to show up, I called her.  I was crying and I asked her if she was going to be there.  And she said, "Oh honey.  There is absolutely nothing that could ever make me not be there."  (Dammit. Sobbing again.) And in that moment I was once again reminded that no matter what mistakes I may make, she had my back.

Her last week or so in that hospital, I showed up.  As often as I could.  And I stayed as long as I could.  I wanted her to know I was there.  That I had her back too.  I said everything I needed to say to her.  I brought Aid to her almost every time I came.  I desperately needed her to know that despite all my failings as her granddaughter that I loved her.  More then I could ever tell her, though I tried.  I was late on the day they were going to remove her tubes.  I don't remember why.  I think I just had a 1 year old and I was a mess.  But I was late.  And I ran into the room so afraid that I had missed my last chance.  And she turned and looked at me.  I know she saw me.  I know she did.  And I got to say good-bye.  It was a deep deep loss for me, as it was for others.  And I find myself talking to her all the time.  Especially when things are rough.  And I always feel like I can hear her respond.  I can hear her say, "Honey it will all be ok." I know that sounds silly.

As I was putting up the holiday decorations I realized how much I have collected from her.  She's everywhere in my home.  She's in the owl mugs my children drink hot cocoa out of.  She's in the owl vase my sister got for me.  She's in the hand knitted wreaths that hang on my wall.  Owl Christmas ornaments hang from my tree.  I cry every time I see the box that holds them with her handwriting.  My house may not look like an elegant Christmas display out of a magazine.  But she's here, everywhere I look and it brings me comfort.  I hope she knows how often she crosses my mind.  I hope she's rolling her eyes at my owl tattoo.  I hope she is smiling when I tell the boys that my Grandma made this.

Merry Christmas Grandma. I love you.

Scooterville

Last summer while we were at Eagle Crest, my parents brought all the scooters they had.  We were down 2.  My niece Abby, did a fantastic job of sharing her scooter with Grant. Who was obsessed with it.  So obsessed me and my mom drove all over hell and back to find him his own. We weren't able to find one until we returned to Portland.  But he has LOVED this scooter.  So much so, in fact he no longer walks around the house, he jumps on his scooter and scoots to wherever he needs to go.  It drives Bob bonkers, but it amuses me. 

Aid also got a scooter, but turns out he isn't very coordinated (I have no idea where he gets that from) so I went back to get him his own 3 wheeled scooter. I got him the extra large size because the handle bars go up higher.  It also looks a bit older.  Well now they fight over that one.  I can't win.   I never really rode a scooter as a kid, probably because of the coordination issue. I have some memories of a pogo stick at my grandparents that didn't end well. But they love them.  So I love them.

P.s Grant would like a "big one" for his birthday Grandma and Grandpa!!

100 Marbles!

We have been implementing a positive reinforcement system with the boys. I felt like I was just doing too much yelling and harping on all the things they were doing wrong. It's not how I want to parent. It's an easy trap to fall into (especially when they are being particularly naughty). Don't get me wrong, there is a time and place for a serious reprimand. But as a whole, I'd rather encourage them instead of coming down on them all the time. They are good kids. Even when they're a bit naughty. Even when they won't eat anything I put in front of them. Even when they won't go to bed. Even when they are going to kill each other in the morning while I am trying to get everyone out the door. It's been working pretty well. Aid, as we both knew, responds really well to this. Too well. He is constantly negotiating when he earns a marble. "You mean 2 marbles?" At 50 marbles they got to get a toy from the store (this has also help me cut down on my passed down (thanks Mom!) habit of getting them something everywhere we go). At 100 marbles they both got to choose an activity. So at 100 marbles, Grant decided he really wanted to ride the train. Aid wanted to go on rides at the Mall of America.

Waiting for the lite rail train!

My boys

Two peas in a pod

Speaking of....

Add caption

This picture says everything anyone ever needs to know about Grant.

He is officially tall enough to ride the big roller coaster. he's waited a long time.

Happy Halloween Dad!

Grant over seeing the decorating process...

The trick or treating crew this year! (Alex and Deborah are friends from the gym!)

Alex is Grant's best friend and showed up as a Ninja. They were both armed.

And we ran into our favorite friend Ev. And Halloween was officially complete.

Geckio "Fire" Bures

The boys have been asking for about 2 years for a lizard. 

NO. No lizards. Or snakes. Or anything else....reptilley.

But they broke me down. So I promised after we returned from Oregon that we could get a lizard.  Bob threw up a minor fuss and stated that he was absolutely NOT going to be taking care of this lizard.  Fair enough.  In his defense all the animal duties are relegated to him and well, I was not consulting him. So fine. How hard can a lizard be to take care of?

Turns out they are less high maintenance then a fish, but more then I was bargaining for.  I will have to get him a heat lamp here pretty soon because he needs it to be 75ish degrees at all times, (I can relate) and only eats live crickets, and needs fresh water daily because apparently that is also where he poops.  Oh dear.

But I am an emotionally reactive person, which as a mother, can be a strength but also a weakness.  They were SO excited and promised to help me take care of it and the little guy was cute....

So here he is.  And they love him.  And I actually really really love him.

Kindergarten Rocked,

And....we officially have a first grader in the house!!! So so so proud of Aid.

The bus stop crew.

He was slightly done with all the picture taking at this point. But I was a weepy mess. Can't believe how fast he is growing up.

 Best bus driver ever.

Followed by celebration dinner at Red Robin. (Aid's choice.)

Built in Slumber Party

Aid is getting into slumber parties.  And who can blame him? Staying up way past your bedtime playing games, watching movies, eating junk food?  He's obsessed.  He is also planning several during our trip this summer (mom and dad you have been forewarned!)

There have been several requests to have a brother slumber party and I have been putting it off until summer vacation.  That way if no one in the house sleeps it's not the end of the world and we can hang in our pj's the next day.

So tonight they asked me and again tonight I said in 2 days when school was over.  We did our bedtime routine and I headed downstairs.

I came back up to this.

And really could not resist the "brotherness." So just let it go.

Then I fell asleep.  I woke up sometime in the middle of the night to this:

Still not able to resist the "brotherness."

It's going to be a good summer. I can't wait for our adventures!!

My Kindergartner Rocks!

Aid came running into the house after getting off the bus....

At school Miss Tucker had started a sticker incentive program.  Today was the end of it and Aid was in the top 3 for most check marks for positive behavior!  While everyone in the class got a sticker page, Aid and two of his classmates got 2!!  In classic Aid style, he immediately wondered if he did even better if he could get 3 sticker sheets instead of the 2.  I could do nothing but laugh.  Of course this was his thought. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever be enough.

I am so incredibly proud of him.  Sticker charts and behavioral charts have not really been successful with us.  My consistency with doing them probably doesn't help, but needless to say I am so happy that things are sinking in.  He is such a great kid, with the best heart, and he tries so hard.  It was beautiful to see his efforts pay off.

Way to go Aid!!

Effort for Dad

Ok Ok Dad. I know I haven't been good about this at all. I made a goal to not bring the computer with me upstairs and just read before bed. (I was staying up way too late just dinking around on the computer). And while you could finally join Facebook (I mean Uncle Greg is even on there!) I will make a concerted effort to keep this updated. I know you miss all of us and need to see their faces more. I love you Dad.

The boys with Addie!

Add caption

Wait until you see these monkies climbing this thing!

At my trainers house with their kiddos

Bus stop with our neighbor friend Evan

RAD Zoo

We don't know what RAD stands for exactly....but we went on a family adventure to a reptile zoo, which is really a huge warehouse full of every kind of reptile imaginable. While I have to admit that it somewhat concerned me that some of the larger animals did not seem to be in large enough cages, the boys loved this.

*gulp*

My favorite of the day. Grant's expression is priceless.

Love my boys

Grant would not touch this little fellow.

Aid said " Best place ever!"

Even little these guys are just bad ass.

B