Mommy Groups

My involvement in mommy groups have been a blessing and a curse. I joined one shortly after we moved here because as convenient as it was to have a rec center with a little playground 3 blocks from our house no one ever went to it and I was starting to get lonely. I found myself desperately waiting for Bob to get home to save me from my loneliness. And well, we all know Bob....(kidding honey...kind of). I had to take my own needs into my own hands.

So I joined. And it was terrible. I am not great at meeting new people. Really. I get so nervous I start sweating and can't think of a single thing to ask. Then I am so caught up in being nervous I'm not really listening to what the person talking is even saying. It's horrible and I'm working on it. A glass of wine usually helps but since no one had wine at our 9am play dates I was screwed. And I had a hard time fitting in. But I kept going and as you know I made some wonderful girlfriends out of the whole deal.

Yesterday I quit. There is one mommy who has made it as difficult for me to be a part of this group as she possibly could. I'm not entirely sure what I did that incited this level of passion; but she has made it her mission to tell me what a jerk I am, publicly and privately on a semi-regular basis. At some point I became the organizer believing this would help me get to know other moms and be a good focus. I was wrong. From the word go I seemed to do everything wrong and break every mommy group etiquette rule there was. Some I was aware I had done and some I was not. Needless to say this mommy was the ring leader in basically badgering me until I finally quit.

My feelings were hurt (are hurt?) for a long time. I stayed a part of the group believing that time would help me work through the negative feelings I was having. And talking. If I just talked through it I would be able to let it go. (This is where you insert the joke and sad reality that letting go is not a strength of mine. I am not malicious or vindictive...but I do not forget). Said mommy has now become the new organizer....and I just had to let go. Really let go. I was driving myself slowly crazy. I read too much into every little thing said, I wanted my friends to dislike her as much as I did, and I avoided activities that I wanted to go to because she was going. Enough was enough.

It feels so good. I look at my blog list and realize how many good friends I have. I don't need the mommy group the way that I did when we first came. And what am I teaching Aid and Grant...? To remain a part of something that is really hurting me? I am going to teach them what remains to be my biggest struggle in life....just let it go. Let it go and appreciate what you have and what you did get out of an experience. Holding onto hurt and anger just makes you hurt and angry. If you focus so much on the painful things that have happened to you, you will miss the good that is still going on...

But let's just say I will not be on the PTA.

Grant's First Crush

Her name is Kelly. And he adores her. She can do anything. He lets her hold him as long as she wants. He glows when she smiles at him. She can even put him to sleep. Now don't get me wrong, he loves all our friends. Grant is a happy, social baby...but he loves loves Kelly!!!

Cuteness

Big stuff!


Gotta love these two....

Watermelon

Aid's favorite has always been watermelon! Believe it or not watermelon is very high in iron!


I let him decide how much he wanted...

He ate every last piece....

Should be a fun diaper tomorrow...

The Exercauser

It's made it's second debut....

Grant is still a little on the young side so it only brings 5-10 minutes of down time. But it's 5-10 minutes to finish dinner with no crying I didn't have before...so I'll take it!

And he's so darn cute in it!




Nearly 3 years later and Ais still loves the thing!

Playground Therapy

I have some good girlfriends out here. Today we headed out to the playground to play with them. And in talking to them about issues I was having with Aid and parenting two I realized something: I'm messing up. Not completely. Not horribly. I don't think my name will come up yet in therapy when he's 30. But there are some things I have to change if I want to help him learn the things he needs to learn.

Aid has a hard time with his interactions with other kids. He doesn't seem to understand how to ask them to play so he'll just run up to them and scream or start "play fighting" (which to other children can feel like he is hitting them). Or my personal favorite and completely Bob's fault...he'll wrestle them. To the ground. This is a playground hit.

Today he was throwing pebble rocks. I was feeding Grant and yelling across the playground "NO! No throwing Rocks Aid!" He would stop. But then I realized what was happening. There are these additions to the play structures that have little buckets on the end of a chord. You shovel the rocks into the bucket, shimmy it up the the next level and dump it into the pipe where it falls out the other side of the structure. Ryan and Oliver were playing with these things. And I realized that Aid wanted to play. He was throwing the rocks in the direction of the tube, smiling, and yelling "Hooray!"

As I was talking it through with my friends about how he didn't know how to engage in play or how to read social cues when either he has taken it too far or the other kid no longer wants to play, Sara said something that stopped me dead in my tracks. She said another mother had commented at some point that kids do not know how to do things until you teach them....or something to that affect.

Bam. It's me. I'm Aid's mother. Aid doesn't understand by osmosis how to navigate his social interactions. He hasn't practiced the words so that he can ask a kid to play chase with him, or if he can have a turn with a toy. That's my job. And I haven't really been doing it. I mean. I know, I just had Grant. Life has been one big adjustment, yada yada yada. And while I know I have done a good job in making sure that when Grant goes down he has my undivided attention, (I read books, I snuggle, I take him to playgrounds and play dates) once at those play dates....if I'm being honest with myself...he's basically on his own. I'm with Grant. I'm not getting down and dirty with him and teaching him in the environment he has the most difficulty in.

So it's time. It's time to put Grant down for a little bit and help teach Aid how to play with his friends. He loves his friends. And I want it to be a positive experience for all involved. It's not positive if Aid is stealing toys because he doesn't quite understand sharing while I am yelling "NO!" from across the playground. Thank you Sara and Kelly for helping me problem solve and see a little clearer today.

I love you Aid. I promise I will be a better mother. I promise that I will do a better job of balancing your needs with Grant's needs. I promise I will teach you how to be a good friend. Because you are such a good kid. You have such a big heart and sweet and funny personality. And I want those things to shine in you.

The Look of Love

Do you notice how Grant is looking at Aid? This is why I love this photo. This is why when I found out I was having another boy I felt happy. Because as much as I wanted a little girl for me....I saw this picture in my mind. Brothers. Running around in the backyard together. Wrestling with each other and Bob. Sharing secrets in their room. Standing up for one another.

Grant is enamored with Aid. He loves him. And Aid loves Grant. And it makes me so proud and so very happy.

We're Getting There

Grant is starting to take some cuter pictures...
These are my two favorites. He isn't sporting a triple chin or bugged out eyes.

Just An Excuse....

To post some cute pictures of my adorable little family....


Nice look honey. The glasses look better on me I assure you!




I can't seem to get a kissing picture where it doesn't look like Aid is smothering Grant...


This little bundle is all smiles...


Peek-a-Boo!


Oh the smell of his head...


I love my boys!

Aid

This picture epitomizes my son. He is funny. Loud. Rambunctious.



This picture says it all and I love it.

BORN FREE

My very dear friend Rena may have saved my life today. As you may or may not know, I have been desperate to get Grant to accept a bottle. So that I can leave. Even for just a little bit...and not feel like he was going to starve. I have tried 2 different brands of bottles, but don't have enough discretionary income to just keep trying different kinds. I had just about resolved myself to the reality that I wouldn't be able to leave until he was eating solid foods....2 months from now.

Today we got a step closer. Rena brought over some Born Free bottles. I think the name is because they are BPA free but a joke was made that it was also appropriate because that's exactly how it made me feel when I saw Grant actually swallowing the pumped milk. Free. I cried.

He's not all the way there. I tried it again later in the day and he was just down right pissed. And he still doesn't exactly just drink, it's like gulping because he doesn't quite get the concept which means lots of burps. But this morning he ate enough out of it that I could get him down for a little nap while me and Aid played with our friends! Which means if I gave him a big feeding, put him down for a nap, and then pumped so he could have some when he woke up I could potentially be away for 1 1/2- 2 hours!! Unthinkable!!!

Thank you thank you thank you Rena. We had a break through today and we owe it all to you!

Happy Mama Day!

This was not the perfect Mother's Day. Me and Bob sniped at each other. My back was killing me. Aid refused to take a bath. Grant was so incredibly fussy (I suspect he may be teething due to the amount of drool). I got no alone time. I did not even sleep in.

But I woke up to Aid hugging me saying "Happy Mama Day" and Grant smiling up at me. Bob worked extremely hard and got the backyard looking pretty damn good. And then we hung out with Bob's family and had a great dinner and watched Aid and Libby run around.

As I continue to get older I keep realizing that I have to let go of my expectations. Because when I look around me I have everything I could ever want or need. I have the two most precious little boys in the whole world and a partner, who may not be perfect, but is here for us when we really need him to be.

When I became a mother, my whole world changed. It was the first time I couldn't just think about myself anymore. There are two little boys who mean more to me then anything else. All I want is for Aid and Grant to be safe and happy and loved. It is my responsibility to provide those things for them and I take the job very seriously. I have not for one day taken for granted the two gifts I have been given.

Happy Mama Day to me!





There is something perfect in the imperfection of our little family...

Whose Baby Is This?

I find it funny that there seems to be a tug of war going on as to which side of the family Grant takes after. I suppose that's because there are both of us in him so family members will see what they want to see. What is it about the need to see yourself in your children/grandchildren anyway? I am guilty. I do it too. But in this case I am right. Grant takes after my side of the family way more.

Here are my top 10 reasons.

1.) Sleep. This kid sleeps. He doesn't go to bed until 8:30pm and then does not wake up until 7 or so. Aid is up at 5am. If he makes it till 6 it's like Christmas time around here. This sleeping thing in NOT a Bures trait. None of them do it.

2.) He is not so laid back. Grant from the moment he was born was very assertive and expressive. He screamed bloody murder. He has slowed down on the screaming and tries very hard to speak to you but if you don't get it...

3.) He has a bit more of a temper which I am positive comes from me. He is a bit more reactive then Aid is.

4.) He has blue eyes and and dark hair...I mean, come on.

5.) He has the same square shaped face me and my brother have. Aid has a round face. Grant's is very long.

6.) He has my grandfather's ears.

7.) My mother swears that his nose is like her brothers' noses.

8.) He has my eyes. I thought they were my father's, a little more buggier. But, but then I saw them. Grant easily gets the dark circles under his eyes like I do. Because they are a little deeper set. He at times looked like he had too black eyes! These are also from my mother's side of the family.

9.) He crinkles when he smiles. All me.

10.) You could swap out any of my brother's baby pictures and lots of mine and see this:



So each of you has one of my children!!

Bures Updates

GRANT:

Grant slept last night for 9 1/2 hours ALL THE WAY through the night. I cannot even believe it. Even if he doesn't do it again for awhile it's super exciting. Aid did not sleep through the night until about 18 months after we finally had to just do it the hard way. At 3 months Grant has just decided that sleep is a good thing. Told you this kid had more of me in him! LOL. I still cannot get him to accept a bottle. I have tried 2 different brands so far. I am still trying because it would be really great to be able to run to the grocery story by myself or even better have someone babysit so we can have a date night(gasp!)If anyone has any suggestions I am SO open to them.

AIDEE:

We had Aid's lead levels rechecked. And they have increased. Pretty significantly. In a month they went from 11.5 to 15.4. Please don't worry, we have already taken steps to figure it all out. The health department has been called and will come out to test things and narrow down the source,since oddly enough it is not the windows that were the main culprit. My mom has a theory that it could possibly be the water from the lead pipes. So we have gotten filters for the sinks and for the fridge. Aid can only drink filterd water until otherwise noted. He was a trooper about getting his blood drawn and I was so proud of him. He is fine. While he is in the high risk zone, as long as we get it down there will be no lasting effects. He seems happy and healthy and is the same ol lovable Aid. But I'm glad we got it retested so we know. He will have to be tested every 2 months for awhile.

BOB:

Bob has been very productive lately. He has been kicking ass at work and I think has a future in administration. He is so good at what he does and other people seem to be recognizing this. He hasn't had as much time for his music which he is equally as talented at but I hope we can get him some more time this summer. Time is not something there is an excess of at the moment, but I really hope he can get someone to hear his songs. They are really very good.

KAREN:

I have lost 12 pounds now!!! I still have a long way to go and I'm not sure it's even noticeable yet. But I know it and needed some external reward to stay motivated. You are never sure if you are getting anywhere. I have started Pilates at the suggestion of an old friend we used to work with and I have really enjoyed it. It targets the ab section which after 2 children is in desperate need of rescue. It's just been time for me to focus on myself and my health again. I don't get very much time to myself and all of my energy has gone into caring for my little family. I stopped taking care of myself. And it's time that changed. So....YAY me!

We have also has done a lot of work on our yard. Bob pulled out all the shrubs and put grass seed down to create more yard space for the boys to play on. He has also added lattice to the entire fence so that Leo cannot crawl under and harass unsuspecting victims. We are going to add some more shrubs and lilacs to add some privacy along the alley way. We are also adding a garden this year and are excited to save a little extra on the grocery bill. We'll also be line drying when there is no rain! My parents are getting me an early birthday present in the form of a new storm door that has a dog door already installed. So we can save a little more money and be able to let the dogs have easy access for longer this year. Leo poops on the carpet downstairs if he cannot immediately get out. So I have been propping the back screen door which isn't the safest plan ever. They also come at the end of June to help fix up our basement! We also are getting new siding for the house at 1% of the actual cost. We still could not do this without the help of Bob's parents and are so grateful. We keep having these amazing opportunities present themselves that if not for them we would not be able to take advantage of.

There you go....I think that's everything you wanted to know and more!

Raspberries

Grant is just growing up before my eyes. And too quickly. I had a much harder time with Aiden when he was this age and was often overwhelmed and scared. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what he was doing. With Grant, I have just sat back and taken it all in and it's going by much too fast.

Our new trick is that we blow rasberries to one another. He loves it. He will start to do it and wait for me to join in . If I am not giving him my undivided attention he will make this loud, beckoning coo and then do it again. I just can't believe how communicative he already is. Me and Grant have definitely found our groove.

Here he is blowing raspberries, I'm not sure if you can really see it clearly....
And no, there is nothing little about this little brother!