Playground Therapy

I have some good girlfriends out here. Today we headed out to the playground to play with them. And in talking to them about issues I was having with Aid and parenting two I realized something: I'm messing up. Not completely. Not horribly. I don't think my name will come up yet in therapy when he's 30. But there are some things I have to change if I want to help him learn the things he needs to learn.

Aid has a hard time with his interactions with other kids. He doesn't seem to understand how to ask them to play so he'll just run up to them and scream or start "play fighting" (which to other children can feel like he is hitting them). Or my personal favorite and completely Bob's fault...he'll wrestle them. To the ground. This is a playground hit.

Today he was throwing pebble rocks. I was feeding Grant and yelling across the playground "NO! No throwing Rocks Aid!" He would stop. But then I realized what was happening. There are these additions to the play structures that have little buckets on the end of a chord. You shovel the rocks into the bucket, shimmy it up the the next level and dump it into the pipe where it falls out the other side of the structure. Ryan and Oliver were playing with these things. And I realized that Aid wanted to play. He was throwing the rocks in the direction of the tube, smiling, and yelling "Hooray!"

As I was talking it through with my friends about how he didn't know how to engage in play or how to read social cues when either he has taken it too far or the other kid no longer wants to play, Sara said something that stopped me dead in my tracks. She said another mother had commented at some point that kids do not know how to do things until you teach them....or something to that affect.

Bam. It's me. I'm Aid's mother. Aid doesn't understand by osmosis how to navigate his social interactions. He hasn't practiced the words so that he can ask a kid to play chase with him, or if he can have a turn with a toy. That's my job. And I haven't really been doing it. I mean. I know, I just had Grant. Life has been one big adjustment, yada yada yada. And while I know I have done a good job in making sure that when Grant goes down he has my undivided attention, (I read books, I snuggle, I take him to playgrounds and play dates) once at those play dates....if I'm being honest with myself...he's basically on his own. I'm with Grant. I'm not getting down and dirty with him and teaching him in the environment he has the most difficulty in.

So it's time. It's time to put Grant down for a little bit and help teach Aid how to play with his friends. He loves his friends. And I want it to be a positive experience for all involved. It's not positive if Aid is stealing toys because he doesn't quite understand sharing while I am yelling "NO!" from across the playground. Thank you Sara and Kelly for helping me problem solve and see a little clearer today.

I love you Aid. I promise I will be a better mother. I promise that I will do a better job of balancing your needs with Grant's needs. I promise I will teach you how to be a good friend. Because you are such a good kid. You have such a big heart and sweet and funny personality. And I want those things to shine in you.