The Myth of Motherhood

On Oprah, as well as on the discussion board of my mommy group, was the topic of motherhood. It started with these women who had essentially written a book after asking mothers to open up about their experiences. What they discovered and what has been obvious to me now is that women are so hesitant to share any negative experiences. People have such a difficult time voicing when something is hard. They think they have failed. Or will be judged. I have often noticed that from time to time (!) my willingness to put it out there makes people uncomfortable. And I have always wondered why we can't talk about the bad? For me, when I stop talking about something that's when you know something is seriously wrong. If I am venting or joking or talking about it, I consider it a healthy release.

This is an intriguing topic and I spent all day thinking about it and making a list in my head of all the things I didn't really expect when I became a mother. Some are funny, some are serious. But it has been such an adjustment. I love my two boys with every fiber of my being, but it was so healthy for me to acknowledge some of the harder parts I had not anticipated.

Here is my list thus far:

I did not realize when I became a mother that I would never again pee by myself.
I did not realize that the only time I would get a bath is if I took one with my children.
I did not realize that some days brushing my teeth is a major accomplishment of self care.
I did not realize I would never again be able to make a quick dash into the drug store for something. There is nothing quick about it anymore.
I did not realize I would have to fight so hard to find 20 minutes of time to myself.
I did not realize my stomach would hang over my pants for as long as it has.
I did not realize the urge to stay at home with them would rise above financial reason.
I did not realize that I did not know what unconditional love really was.
I did not realize there would be days I hated my husband.
I did not realize that the following day I would love my husband more then I could ever imagine for being such a good father.
I did not realize that I would be so lonely at times.
I did not realize how I would come to understand my mother. I would now call her one of my best friends and I talk to her almost daily.
I did not realize how hard breastfeeding would be or the sense of accomplishment I would feel from doing it.
I did not anticipate the drama in a mommy group.
I did not know how much I would come to enjoy cooking and baking. (most days)
I did not realize I just wouldn't sleep....for years.
I did not know I would lose friends simply because I was a mom.
I did not know that the animals would become just extra work for me instead of beloved family members.
I did not realize how difficult it would be for me to hand over my crying child to let someone else console them.
I did not realize how cool the zoo really was until I looked at it through my 2 year old's eyes.
I did not realize that the words "I love you mama" would bring me to my knees.

I love you Aiden and Grant. Even though there have been adjustments I did not see coming. I would make any sacrifice for you. In a heart beat. I still know who I am. I still exist outside of my role as your mother. But you have forever changed who I am and you are the best things that have ever happened to me.