Portland, Here We Come!

Ok, that was my attempt at being cheerful. In truth I am freaking out. I am so excited to introduce Grant to the rest of my family and my best friends. But I actually had a panic attack a little bit ago. I have since taken a sleeping pill so that I can get some sleep tonight.

I don't know what my problem is. I always get nervous. But never to this extent. I can't think of anything else. I suppose it's because I have never left Aid behind before. It's like I let myself for a second be afraid of the plane crashing but that left me with the understanding that Aid would lose his mother and ever since I have just been a wreck. I love my two little boys more then anything in this world and the very idea of leaving either of them behind is just too much for me to cope with.

I don't know if I should be writing a blog about this. Bob is tired of hearing it. But the blog is also a little bit of therapy from time to time so I'm using it to write out my horrible thoughts in an attempt to release them somewhere.

I told my best friend Cindy about my freak out. She told me I needed to reframe my thoughts about it. Instead of worrying that Aid would lose me I have to feel confident that should something happen to me, Aid has Bob. And Bob is the best father in the entire world. Even with all of his quirks. He loves Aid and Grant as much as I do and at the end of the day that's all any of us need to be ok.

So I'm getting on that plane tomorrow and life will happen as it will. I will board it knowing that each of our sons have one of us to keep them safe and loved. And I have to trust that the rest, however it turns out, will be ok....